Should, Hope, Have to, Must, Maybe, Can’t
Take a look at this excerpt from William Shakespeare’s The Life and Death of Julius Caesar (Click here for the full text)
CALPURNIA
[…]
We’ll send Mark Antony to the senate-house:
And he shall say you are not well to-day… […]
CAESAR
Mark Antony shall say I am not well,
And, for thy humour, I will stay at home.
Enter DECIUS BRUTUS
Here’s Decius Brutus, he shall tell them so. […]
CAESAR
And you are come in very happy time,
To bear my greeting to the senators
And tell them that I will not come to-day:
Cannot, is false, and that I dare not, falser:
I will not come to-day: tell them so, Decius.
CALPURNIA
Say he is sick.
CAESAR
Shall Caesar send a lie?
Have I in conquest stretch’d mine arm so far,
To be afraid to tell graybeards the truth?
Decius, go tell them Caesar will not come.
DECIUS BRUTUS
Most mighty Caesar, let me know some cause,
Lest I be laugh’d at when I tell them so.
CAESAR
The cause is in my will: I will not come;
That is enough to satisfy the senate.
What have you noticed about the idea exchange and the reasoning presented here? Why does the exact wording of the message to the senators matter? Caesar is not coming regardless, right?
Calpurnia, Caesar’s wife, wants to give a false excuse of weakness (being sick) and tell the senate Caesar is unable to come. Brutus wants at least a reason out of fear of ridicule. And Caesar wants none of that wimpiness. He isn’t going to weasel his way out of that meeting. “The cause is in my will… That is enough…”
People often use phrases such as “I have to pick up my kids tonight” or “I hope my boss likes my talk” or “I can’t come to the party.”
This is such a common way of speaking, most probably see nothing wrong with it. Many believe they are even civil and polite sounding like that. But how true is that?
The truth is, it’s the language of powerlessness.
When we use that language, we take a step toward being powerless! We program our subconscious mind to make us weak.
How many people want to feel like irrelevant nobodies with no control over their lives? Nobody knows for sure… Some might.
And how many want to be empowered? Quite a few. Otherwise there wouldn’t be so many wildly successful self-help gurus, books and programs. And what many of them recommend?
Daily affirmations.
Those affirmations are supposed to make us more powerful. So if repeating something empowering about oneself is supposed to work, wouldn’t it be true about the opposite? Will frequently saying something disempowering also work? Just with the opposite results?
Many of us say or think something disempowering every day and much more frequently than the positive affirmations gurus teach. And here is the bottom line:
Daily use of the language of powerlessness and uncertainty is also affirmations. Just disempowering ones!
And those anti-affirmations may be much more effective than the morning mantras of the “I am wonderful” variety. They are more effective because they are specific to each person’s unique situation and fit right in. They are repeated, in different forms, much more frequently – throughout the day. They are based on what the person already believes about the world’s and his or her place in it.
And who is listening to the language and messages of disempowerment?
The subconscious mind! It’s like a machine tasked with shaping your life according to the goals and instructions it gets.
When it receives its instructions, your life becomes aligned with them precisely. Because your subconscious mind is very diligent. Without you being aware. You’ll be missing opportunities and many other good things without ever noticing they exist all around you. Because your subconscious mind will filter them all out before they reach your consciousness.
This effect was described by Maxwell Maltz in his Psycho-Cybernetics. Major self-help gurus of today base their teachings on Maltz’s discoveries. You might want to read his original book that explains how the subconscious mind works. It can be either our friend or our enemy depending on how we choose to program it.
What do you think the subconscious mind will do when it is constantly bombarded with the message of powerlessness?
If you are not convinced, that’s totally fine. The role of a coach is not to convince but just to raise awareness.
But if you often feel like a victim of the circumstances blaming fate, parents or the Universe for all sorts of misfortunes you might want to consider the messages you send to yourself and your subconscious mind every day. Those messages have power! Just not the kind you probably want.
The words and expressions of powerlessness are not the only way to program your subconscious mind. The story about ourselves we keep telling and retelling ourselves is another way. Our behavior in different situations plays a major role as well.
But “Should”’s, “Hope”’s, “Have to”’s, “Must”’s, “Maybe”s, and “Cannot”’s certainly play a major role.
So what words would you use instead of those that take away your power? You decide what works for you! Why start gaining power by giving away power asking someone to tell you what to do? You pick the words that work for you.
Julius Caesar realized a long time ago that our choice of words matters.
Is self empowerment only possible for a Roman Emperor? Whatever you decide will be your truth.
